Archive for July, 2013

breaking-free

She really doesn’t know why she’s writing this. She doesn’t have a structure of what she’s writing yet, but the urge is so strong that she fears of what might happen if she doesn’t share it. At her desk at the moment, working in the office. How this feeling took a grip of her, she has no idea; but she needs to lay it all down. This is her.

Still growing, very young, not even 25 yet “I don’t have enough words of appreciation to God for how well and perfectly he’s sustained me. My heart can tell it better in words I bet you won’t understand”. This is her.

Her mother trained her in the best way a God fearing mother could train her daughter, but she (her mother) never knew about her drinking problem neither did her loved ones; truth is, some knew she drank occasionally but what they didn’t know was, there wasn’t a day that passed with no alcohol slipping down her throat so strong to burn her stomach and get her gasping for breath, just so she could fall asleep… drunk. To the world, she was one of the sweetest and nicest girls, smart, free-spirited, gifted. But in that same person was a girl struggling with herself, her addictions, her fears. This is her.

At a point, she couldn’t handle her different personalities anymore. It was too much work to be two different person. Naughty, stubborn, selfish, and dark in the dark yet sweet, inspiring, motivating, gifted int the eyes of all. The girl who spoke people out of taking their own lives was contemplating on taking hers, on a daily basis. No, she wasn’t ignorant about the Word of God and His plans for her life. She knew just what to do and how to do it, but as to why she took a different turn, she never knew. This is her.

Although she had a big heart, she struggled with letting go. For her, it took too much strength to let go, for she was too fragile and held on to everything… anything. This is her.

But there was a night when everything dawned on her. She felt heavier than she used to every night. It was uneasy. It was unbearable. I was there. I could see her. I could feel her pain. I could feel her displeasure, because this is her… She is me.

Testimonies have a mysterious way of changing people. Words do that. Yes, words are that powerful. My heart is joyful today when I look at how I used to be yesterday and for what God’s planned for me tomorrow. Grace and Mercy located me and erased my wrongs. I won’t keep this to myself but tell the whole world what the Lord has done for me. He changed me. He gave me peace. Those nights when I couldn’t sleep, God turned it around, all in my favor… All because He loves me. And looking back into the past, my failures and falls, I realized how well it’s shaped me; when the excess was being scraped off for the perfect design, it hurt like crazy… I bled like never before, but I didn’t know the perfect design yet. Now I know. Yes, this is me.

If God has done this for me, overlooked my dual living, and done it for me, what can’t he do for you. If He doesn’t take care of His own, who would? This is you… You are God’s own.

It’s amazing to be free. Freedom feels… FREE.

So now that my confession and testimony is out, the devil can’t use it against me. I finally have learned how to let go. My testimony has become my victory. This is me.

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curt n i

28th July has always been memorable, but this year it gets better. We are growing, I smile whenever I say that, but yes we are growing. I remember when growing up, we used to fight everyday about anything… We fought about chores, clothing, friends, money, attention. But funny thing is, those perculiar things took a different turn to bond us even stronger as we grew each year. Then after High school you became taller and then in University, you got bigger… Pressure on my side. I always got that stunned looke whenever someone asked “that’s your twin??”. I guess I’m used to it now though. But then you also became more possessive and manly towards me. That is sweet.

My wish for you this year:

-You’ll be surprised at your elevation. God will surprise you in every little way

-Pain and anger, anything not of God is far from you!!

-You will smile everyday

-You’ll look more handsome and fresher by the day!!

-I will approve of any girl you would wanna date. If I don’t, there’s no green light

-God will grant all my wishes for you into fruition!! Amen!!

It’s amazing being a twin. You’ve been an amazing twin. Like our lil sisters will say, ‘I love you more than you know’ Curtis Oko Anue Kwame Quarcoo.

IF YOU ARE NOT OF GOD, YOU ARE EVIL!!.

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In growing up, I realized we often get moved by our temperaments and the Stars and horoscopes we are recognized with. There are introverts, extroverts, temperaments as melancholy, sanguine and the rest. but then, I wonder why one will be defined by something else if he is a child of God and not defined by God’s standards instead? Someone would say, “I laugh a lot but when I get angry, I am a different person”. Another will say, “I am not really a morning person”… SERIOUSLY??

Get this; if there are just 2 powers operating in this world, that of God’s and that of the Devil’s, then if it’s not of God’s, it is of the Devil. If God isn’t a morning person, I bet he would cease every living activity till afternoon or evening when he’s in his element, provided on which side of the Sun you’re on.

If it’s not of God, it is evil.

If it’s not approved of God, it is demonic.

If that mood is not of God, then it’s evil.

If that decision or movement or activity is not of God, it surely is evil. Pray!!

Anything that does not conform to the doctrines and Word of God obviously contradicts it, thus it being an enemy to God. Any other enemy other than the DEVIL? If you know one, please don’t hesitate to tell me.

Yes God allows things to happen for his name to be Glorified in the end. But if you are a child of God and you know your father, you will know his ways as well and will not be moved by any circumstance. We have taken a lot of things for granted, even the little things. If you believe God brought you here for a reason, know that every detail you’re involved in is as vital, if it has every connection with your purpose.

But then how do we know of what’s important and what’s not? Pray.

Your Father is a GOD. He knows everything.

Your Father is your friend; He is there to listen.

Your Father is YOUR Father; He won’t uphold any good thing from his child.

Give yourself a moment to figure out how likened you are with the One who created you in His own image. If you aren’t that much alike, probably you need to figure out where you’re from, after evaluating and being comfortable with your current state. OR you can take the best eternally beneficial step into giving your life to THE ONE who made you, or rededicating your life to Him. Tell Him to direct your path, bridle your tongue, strengthen you in the journey ahead; and deny yourself in able for Him to take over you. There, His ways will be your ways.

That is likeness.

I have been crucified with Christ

My heart

My mind

Filled with what edifies

My spirit

For I no longer live but Christ lives in me

 

My soul has been placed in me upon conception

I have the intellect

I have the language

I have the entities of a life so supreme

I have the life of Christ in me

 

The Son of God loves me

He gave himself for me

To believe in this

Fixes all these things

Makes me high

Takes me on top

 

So tell me

To whom does such a God makes his friend other than me

For all these super speciality

I am that super special

I belong to Christ

I belong to the Son of God

And in His life is where my life belongs

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She wanted one thing; his heart. Not to kill him but to have his heart, his passion, so they fuse it as one… As that one heart that binds them. Maybe it was too much to ask.

“I can explain, it’s not what you think”, she pleaded, for his countenance, his demeanor was unbearable. She’d never seen him so angry and so out of control.

“You disgust me!!” How could she have stoop so low? It was appalling. It was outrageous. She crossed the line this time.

“You were never there. He was. Me and him, we are spontaneous, we can just talk about anything and laugh all the time. That’s friendship. That’s what I want to build us on, and not some emotional tickling feeling I have whenever I see you”.

At this moment, his fury slowly begins to fade and his conscience settling. He sees that look in her eyes again. He’d seen it before… He’d seen it several times; sincere, fear, vulnerability, truth.

“I don’t give you that? I… We aren’t friends?”

“We are, honey, only that I need you as as my best. I need us to build this. I need our friendship to be what binds us. Along the way we meet other people and befriend them; I would want what we share to be as strong so when I compare what we share and who you are to me with others, I can proudly say that you belong to me, and none can measure up”.

If there was any sign of fury in his face and tension between them, it’s anything besides what it was now. As if the first day it started, they feel like they’d relived that moment, in the moment. His eyes twinkling with tears that wouldn’t fall; tears he’d rather contain so he could seem like the stronger one, for hers couldn’t contain her eyes.

Slowly but in anticipation, he takes her in his arms. He couldn’t stand the sight of her in tears. He’d never did.

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The hug was as warm and comforting as it could ever be. He squeezes her warmly whenever she sobbed, whispering in his husky manly voice, “its ok honey, I am sorry. I am sorry. I wanna make this happen. I wanna make us happen.”

She could almost taste sincerity in his words. It was all over him. If there was any moment to tell him what happened, it was now. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself after today if she still kept that secret.

Carefully, she whispers to him, “I am sorry too honey, I messed up this time. We got involved”.

He felt he needed to hear that again. He wasn’t really confident he’d heard her just say that. Slowly he looses his arm, and in releasing her so he could hear it again, as if possessed with some spirit of fury, he screams at her, “W-H-A-T?!! Maame!! Are you kidding me?!!”

She couldn’t look into his eyes. “I got involved with Fiifi. It was some chemistry. One thing led to another and…”

“Shut up!!!! I won’t listen to this anymore. How dare you, Maame!!! How dare you?!! After 3yrs, he was the one you had to get involved with? How special?!! You know what, I can’t take this!!

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He wanted one thing; her heart. This time, he’d wanted to kill her. Well, maybe it wasn’t the right thing to feel in the moment but honestly, he felt that. She didn’t even look ashamed of what she did, only afraid he might beat her up in his state.

Well, the story didn’t end there. Their still living their lives… Separately. Not all stories end happily. How would I know anyway? Their story hasn’t ended.

#MizAkwele…

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At 3am on 07/07/13 as I was meditating and talking to God, a Sunday School song dropped into my spirit :

“You came from Heaven to Earth
To show the way
From the earth to the cross
My depths you paid
From the cross to the grave
From the grave to the sky
Lord I lift your name on high”

It dawned on me that He actually came to ‘show the way’. Look at the whole transition from Heaven to Earth… To the Cross… To the Grave… Back to the Sky. Why would we want or desire any other route?

It’s a cycle. Hah!! Wow… It’s a cycle. Life isn’t as rosy and you know it. As a citizen of heaven sent to earth, the cross is inevitable. You need to make that journey to the cross just as Jesus did. Was he transported there by any medium? No! He walked with his cross even though he was assisted at a point… At a point. Yes people will come your way… God will send people your way; friend, family, helpers, but it’s your walk… Your journey. Then as if the pain on the journey and humiliation wasn’t enough, even when on the cross, hanging up there, he sees the heavens and earth; at times when your burden is so overwhelmed and your challenges seem to get you hanging on your cross, you are yet not unaware of looking up to the heavens from where your help comes from. When you bow down your head and see the earth, those chastising you and sympathizing with you, you are also not unaware of their ways. But then you have a choice to commit your spirit into the hands of the ONE who’s sent you or keep hanging there. For if He’s sent you for this task, he’ll make provisions for it. HE IS GENEROUS like that.

Then From the cross to the grave; experiences change people. The grave signifies death and end. At the grave, it all ends. All the pain and hurt and tears… All ends. At the grave, it all ends!! You die to that self you struggled with on the cross.

But then on the third day, temporarily, but with right timing, you will rise. Your third day can be in 2 days or the next day. Your third day can be now after those years of lamentation, humiliation and death to self. Your third day is when you feel refreshed and rejuvenated and anew in body, mind and spirit. It’s that moment when you let go, people see you and feel there is something positively different about you but can’t tell what exactly it is.

From the Grave to the sky: to be in the sky represents freedom. You are free now. Child of God, you are free on the third day. Just when people anticipated your end and think you’ll never rise from that grave, on the 3rd day you will rise and you will be free.

Thank God for your 3rd day. Even if it isn’t now. Thank God for your third day.

One thing that still keeps me alive today is my future. The thought that God has a huge plan for me and my future, is enough reason to stay alive and keep moving in the now so I see His awesome plans in the future. And yes, God never fails.

So, He came from Heaven to Earth to show the Way.