Posted: July 30, 2013 in Uncategorized
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She really doesn’t know why she’s writing this. She doesn’t have a structure of what she’s writing yet, but the urge is so strong that she fears of what might happen if she doesn’t share it. At her desk at the moment, working in the office. How this feeling took a grip of her, she has no idea; but she needs to lay it all down. This is her.

Still growing, very young, not even 25 yet “I don’t have enough words of appreciation to God for how well and perfectly he’s sustained me. My heart can tell it better in words I bet you won’t understand”. This is her.

Her mother trained her in the best way a God fearing mother could train her daughter, but she (her mother) never knew about her drinking problem neither did her loved ones; truth is, some knew she drank occasionally but what they didn’t know was, there wasn’t a day that passed with no alcohol slipping down her throat so strong to burn her stomach and get her gasping for breath, just so she could fall asleep… drunk. To the world, she was one of the sweetest and nicest girls, smart, free-spirited, gifted. But in that same person was a girl struggling with herself, her addictions, her fears. This is her.

At a point, she couldn’t handle her different personalities anymore. It was too much work to be two different person. Naughty, stubborn, selfish, and dark in the dark yet sweet, inspiring, motivating, gifted int the eyes of all. The girl who spoke people out of taking their own lives was contemplating on taking hers, on a daily basis. No, she wasn’t ignorant about the Word of God and His plans for her life. She knew just what to do and how to do it, but as to why she took a different turn, she never knew. This is her.

Although she had a big heart, she struggled with letting go. For her, it took too much strength to let go, for she was too fragile and held on to everything… anything. This is her.

But there was a night when everything dawned on her. She felt heavier than she used to every night. It was uneasy. It was unbearable. I was there. I could see her. I could feel her pain. I could feel her displeasure, because this is her… She is me.

Testimonies have a mysterious way of changing people. Words do that. Yes, words are that powerful. My heart is joyful today when I look at how I used to be yesterday and for what God’s planned for me tomorrow. Grace and Mercy located me and erased my wrongs. I won’t keep this to myself but tell the whole world what the Lord has done for me. He changed me. He gave me peace. Those nights when I couldn’t sleep, God turned it around, all in my favor… All because He loves me. And looking back into the past, my failures and falls, I realized how well it’s shaped me; when the excess was being scraped off for the perfect design, it hurt like crazy… I bled like never before, but I didn’t know the perfect design yet. Now I know. Yes, this is me.

If God has done this for me, overlooked my dual living, and done it for me, what can’t he do for you. If He doesn’t take care of His own, who would? This is you… You are God’s own.

It’s amazing to be free. Freedom feels… FREE.

So now that my confession and testimony is out, the devil can’t use it against me. I finally have learned how to let go. My testimony has become my victory. This is me.

  1. Araba says:

    Beautiful. Bless u for sharing.

  2. annemarie baird. says:

    And the truth shall set us free….soar!!!

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