Posts Tagged ‘personality’

image

Those watching say you've got it all figured out, but then...

Have you ever, at some point in time, felt you’re just not good enough? You’re just not doing as you should… You’re not doing enough?

Those watching say you’ve got it all figured out, but then, deep down you know how far you can go, and you feel you’ve not even made half the mark.

How do you deal?

Advertisements

image

It was 00:45. She knew it was. It was the first thing she saw
      when she finally opened her eyes and looked up at the clock.
      ‘Thank you Jesus’, she exclaimed with relief. She had to wake
      up; she knew she had to wake up.
   

      ‘What was all that about? God, explain things to me, please,
      I understood nothing’. The next moment, she was off her bed,
      walked eight steps, as usual she counted, to turn on the
      lights. She turned to pick up a book to read but… But she
      couldn’t even get to its reach. Astonishment gripped her feet
      to the floor, she almost couldn’t move.
   

      She looks into the mirror and sees her full image. ‘Jesus!!!’
      She is scared. She is shivering; as though she was looking
      straight at an image that didn’t belong to her. True, that
      isn’t her. Confused. How can one look into a mirror and see
      another but her image? 
   

      She straightens her neck now, closing her eyes slowly and
      hoping to see herself when she opened her eyes again. Now,
      eyes closed, hearts beating at an unusual pace desperately
      expectant of a positive result in the next moment. But she
      couldn’t see anything but pitch black… Sure, her eyes were
      closed. 
   

      Slowly and carefully, she opens her eyes, still fixed to the
      mirror. First second… Second… Fifth… Eighth…
      Twelfth… Fifteenth… Twentieth… Eyes still fixed,
      unuable to blink; maybe because she didn’t want to take her
      eyes off her image… Maybe she only wants to be double sure
      she was seeing what she was looking at… Sixtieth second…
      Sixty-second… A tear falls. If the tear was a result of her
      not blinking for a while or an emotional response to the
      horror staring back at her, she wasn’t particularly sure.
      Utterly confused. 
   

      She sighs. Felt an itch on her scalp but didn’t scratch it;
      she wasn’t sure what she felt about anything anymore, neither
      what she saw. Maybe after a few minutes, things will clear
      up. Besides, she just woke up… Or probably still dreaming.
      She waited for those minutes to pass.
   

      She lifts her eyes to the clock on the wall. It is 01:24. Now
      to the mirror… Appalling? An eyesore? A mistake? Wrong…
      Just wrong? Which was appropriate description, still she
      wasn’t sure. 
   

      But heart beats faster and tears drips down her throat. She
      swallows it hard. She wanted to know all this was as real as
      she was. It was real. It is real. As if it was a marathon,
      she takes off her tank and strips off the rest. She looks
      back in the mirror and it felt… Felt just wrong.
   

      She had wanted to scream out her anger and pain but she could
      only go as far as screaming out soundless breaths with all
      her might. Both hands stuck on her temples, she screamed
      again but then again, without sound. The scream was painful
      and hard… I could tell from the way her head and arms
      shook. I watched her scream at me in the mirror and I could
      only scream back, only that I was too loud she couldn’t hear.
   

      Still shivering, she runs her hands on her face, down her
      belly, and her curves… They weren’t there anymore. Her
      waist beads had sagged down so much that she could easily
      take them off by pushing them down effortlessly for her hips
      couldn’t support them anymore. She did. She took them off. I
      kept staring at her. I wanted to take my eyes off but I just
      couldn’t because she kept staring right at me. 
   

      Finally, I decided to speak but before I could, her legs had
      given up on her and she fell kneeling on her knees. I had to
      do same. She had so much control over me. But I still wanted
      to speak. She had to listen to me. But she wasn’t looking
      anymore. Her head stayed down. She was ashamed of me. If she
      couldn’t look, how could she have listened? She made me sad,
      because she was sad. This sadness felt stuffed up and almost
      unbearable. It was unbearable.
   

      It wasn’t my fault that she stopped eating regularly and even
      forgot to eat often these days. It wasn’t my fault that she
      spend most of the time in bed awake and thinking, often
      worrying. I’d wanted to warn her but she’d never given me
      attention in days. 
   

      I waited for her to lift her head but she never did. Her
      knees gave up too and I couldn’t see from that point. All I
      could hear were cries that sounded almost breathless. I
      wondered how she survived it. I wondered because I wasn’t
      there anymore. She never looked into the mirror so I just
      couldn’t tell. I faded away.
   

      But I am assured of one thing; she is a strong woman and she
      will be alright. She has a strong spirit and a sense for
      radical change when necessary. If you’d ask me, I’ll only say
      one cannot stand all his life. Even when one stands for
      hours, he gets tired and would want to, if not have to, rest
      a while. 
   

      Her fall was unexpected but I know she’ll rise up again. Next
      time she looks into the mirror, when she looks at me, she
      will smile and I’ll smile back proudly, because I believed in
      her. In the end, it will be alright. If it’s not alright,
      it’s not the end.
   

breaking-free

She really doesn’t know why she’s writing this. She doesn’t have a structure of what she’s writing yet, but the urge is so strong that she fears of what might happen if she doesn’t share it. At her desk at the moment, working in the office. How this feeling took a grip of her, she has no idea; but she needs to lay it all down. This is her.

Still growing, very young, not even 25 yet “I don’t have enough words of appreciation to God for how well and perfectly he’s sustained me. My heart can tell it better in words I bet you won’t understand”. This is her.

Her mother trained her in the best way a God fearing mother could train her daughter, but she (her mother) never knew about her drinking problem neither did her loved ones; truth is, some knew she drank occasionally but what they didn’t know was, there wasn’t a day that passed with no alcohol slipping down her throat so strong to burn her stomach and get her gasping for breath, just so she could fall asleep… drunk. To the world, she was one of the sweetest and nicest girls, smart, free-spirited, gifted. But in that same person was a girl struggling with herself, her addictions, her fears. This is her.

At a point, she couldn’t handle her different personalities anymore. It was too much work to be two different person. Naughty, stubborn, selfish, and dark in the dark yet sweet, inspiring, motivating, gifted int the eyes of all. The girl who spoke people out of taking their own lives was contemplating on taking hers, on a daily basis. No, she wasn’t ignorant about the Word of God and His plans for her life. She knew just what to do and how to do it, but as to why she took a different turn, she never knew. This is her.

Although she had a big heart, she struggled with letting go. For her, it took too much strength to let go, for she was too fragile and held on to everything… anything. This is her.

But there was a night when everything dawned on her. She felt heavier than she used to every night. It was uneasy. It was unbearable. I was there. I could see her. I could feel her pain. I could feel her displeasure, because this is her… She is me.

Testimonies have a mysterious way of changing people. Words do that. Yes, words are that powerful. My heart is joyful today when I look at how I used to be yesterday and for what God’s planned for me tomorrow. Grace and Mercy located me and erased my wrongs. I won’t keep this to myself but tell the whole world what the Lord has done for me. He changed me. He gave me peace. Those nights when I couldn’t sleep, God turned it around, all in my favor… All because He loves me. And looking back into the past, my failures and falls, I realized how well it’s shaped me; when the excess was being scraped off for the perfect design, it hurt like crazy… I bled like never before, but I didn’t know the perfect design yet. Now I know. Yes, this is me.

If God has done this for me, overlooked my dual living, and done it for me, what can’t he do for you. If He doesn’t take care of His own, who would? This is you… You are God’s own.

It’s amazing to be free. Freedom feels… FREE.

So now that my confession and testimony is out, the devil can’t use it against me. I finally have learned how to let go. My testimony has become my victory. This is me.

image

This is who I am
Proud of myself
Not yielding to life’s prides

This is who I am
Singled out among many
In heart and soul

This is who I am
Not weakening strengths
Still weakening weaknesses

This
Is just
Who you are not

This is I
This is who I am

#MizAkwele

image

Why are u expecting the tables to turn if you placed it in
      that position initially? Or you meant to say you didn’t have
      foresight then to tell if it wouldn’t look good in your
      favour today? Ok, let’s just say you didn’t know.
   

      It saddens my heart when I hear those who expect supernatural
      forces to take over everything they do; “I don’t feel too
      good but God will heal me”… Faith is what every Christian
      lives by, but then God wouldn’t do what man would do and man
      can never do what God would do. Why did He make doctors
      anyway? Let the spirit take care of spiritual matters while
      you take care of your body according to God’s values and
      direction. 
   

      I am of the belief that change is practically slow yet
      radically evident when the process is completed. Everyone
      undergoes change at a point in their lives preceded by
      natural occurrences, circumstances and environmental
      influence. Change would never change because one thinks he
      can never change. Change would find you and change you,
      unless you are God. 
   

      When tables turn, the setting of that peculiar environment
      changes. If you need your tables turned, you should equally
      be ready to adjust to change… To a new setting.
   

      So, for those who are eager and expectant to turn their
      tables, change would find you. That’s how it operates. There
      is always a price to pay. Nothing comes free. Nothing has
      ever been free. The economist will say ‘there is no such
      thing as free lunch’. 
   

      Maybe you want your tables to turn because your current
      setting isn’t attractive enough. You should equally be ready
      for change. Obviously, some would love your setting and
      others wouldn’t. But in the end, you wanted it and you took
      that step so you needn’t bother if others think your new
      setting is inappropriate, right?
   

      There is nothing wrong with tables turning to suit your taste
      and preferences. Times change, people change, tastes change
      but its the effect of the change on you primarily that
      matters because at the end of the day, when you stand in
      front of the mirror with your best friend, you look at
      yourself first. 

image

In growing up, I used to be very shy about the gap in between my front teeth. I was very quiet, more or less reserved and smiled without my teeth… Often in pictures too.

I remember sometime back, a really close friend at the time asked if I could seal the gap so I look prettier. Then I thought, what if I wore retainers to seal that gap and my jaw bone and smile change totally? I wouldn’t want to get used to a whole different me-new-look. Naturally, I considered that option whenever I saw others with neatly arranged teeth.

Then it dawned on me, I got two (2) reasons to embrace my teeth. Firstly, I need no toothpick after a powerful meal… Secondly, the gap in between my front teeth makes me talk the way I do… Most importantly, it’s MY UNIQUENESS.

How can I tell God he went wrong with creating me? And oh! I am the one to make it right, huh? Who becomes God now?

Embrace your look and rock it!!!

If you’re dark, light-skinned, mulatto, embrace your natural self whenever you look into the mirror. You are beautiful how you are. If others can’t see it, it’s because you aren’t seeing it too.

When you see that beauty, you see God’s beauty and you make him happy. When you see otherwise, then you’re probably that one person to challenge God’s creation.

You’re beautiful… Yes, especially you.

#MizAkweleSays…